"If you know someone who has lost a child or anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that's a great, great gift" - Elizabeth Edwards

"The deep hurt is the mirror image of the deep joy that still awaits you." - Bruce C. Hafen

Archive for March, 2014

3 years since diagnosis day

Today it’s been 3 years since we found out that Oliver was going to die. Any anniversary that has to do with Oliver is very emotional for me. March 31st, 2011 was the day when my whole world came crashing down. I have changed so much since that day. There are so many memories. It was such an overwhelming day and I felt like I had fallen into a deep hole. The trauma and anxiety from that day were terrible. Even though it’s been 3 years I can still remember how I felt. It makes me feel very anxious to think about it. I still have a hard time wearing the shirt I wore that day. It will always remind me of that day. We wanted our baby so much. We were so excited for this ultrasound, and then it just all turned into a nightmare. I remember almost every word the technician and the radiologist said. I can see Oliver’s heart with the heart defect on the ultrasound screen in my head. Just pure terror of realizing something was very wrong. My precious baby.


I will never stop wondering how our life would have been if Oliver was here with us. I will always miss him and wish he was here with me. My sweet boy.


Melanie, Laura and I decided a couple of weeks ago to go on a girls trip to Leavenworth. I have been so excited to go. I have heard from a lot of people how beautiful and fun Leavenworth is.  We left early on Friday morning and came back Saturday night.

On our way to Leavenworth we stopped at a casino to go to the bathroom and we just had to take a picture ha ha.

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We stopped by the Snoqualmie falls on our way. It was SO windy there. Our hair was flying every which direction. It was beautiful though!

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When we got to Leavenworth we checked into our cute little cabin. It was warm and toasty in there which made me happy because I had been worried it was going to be cold in there.




After we had checked in we headed downtown and started to explore the town!


We had lunch at the Soup cellar. The food was okay but our least favorite of all the places we ate at. The server was waaaay overly happy and nice that it was almost funny.

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Inside the Soup cellar the walls were covered with 1 dollar bills that people had written small messages on. We wanted to do the same!


One of the stores we went into had Taffy’s in so many different flavors. There were so many fun stores to look in. We loved all the chocolate shops with truffles in all kinds of flavors. There were a lot of stores with pretty clothes, jewelry, hats and other things. There were a lot of stores with lots of different knick knacks. We also went into a Christmas store called Kris Kringle were we all bought some ornaments. In some stores we got to sample some delicious chocolate, caramel and fudge. Yum! We all bought a jar of pear, cinnamon caramel. It is so good! We walked around for a couple of hours until we got so tired we decided to sit down and have some hot chocolate. We sat at chatted for well over an hour. Later we enjoyed a nice dinner at a place called “South.” I had some delicious enchiladas. Their salsa was SO good. Then we went back to our cabin, got ready for bed and chatted until late. 🙂

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They played music by this gazebo the whole time we walked around and you could hear all over town. I loved it!

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At night there were tons of pretty lights on most of the buildings.


Time to go to our cabin and rest!


The next morning we got up and got ready for our day!

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We had breakfast at Sandy’s waffle and dinner haus. Our server was kind of rude but the food was delicious!

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A picture of us outside the restaurant we had dinner at the night before.

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Then we walked around at looked at more fun stores!

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I bought this cute hat for next fall/winter. I also bought two cute rings, a t-shirt for Eric and some other small things.

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We had lunch at a restaurant called Gustav’s. I had an Italian burger with pesto, cheese and tomato. It was the best burger I have ever had!

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It was so fun to spend two days with two of my best friends. We always have so much fun together! I will definitely want to come back here with Eric and the kids this summer.

T ball

The kids had their first T ball practice today and it was raining and cold outside. But they said they had a lot of fun! Hopefully the weather will be nicer next week.

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Nicolina and Eric

Eric is such an amazing dad and husband. He loves us all so much. This morning he made Nicci’s hair all cute and curly. Our pretty girl 🙂


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This weekend we had plans to go to the temple while some friends watched our kids. Well….on Friday I took Nicci to the doctor and she had an ear infection and pink eye. She was so sad she was going to miss a party that she had been invited to that night. I felt so bad for her. My heart hurts whenever my kids get sad or disappointed. So we just stayed home this weekend and did some stuff at home. We did lots of gardening and some painting. Eric also baked some cookies. Here are some pictures from the last couple of days.

On Thursday night we celebrated the relief society at church! Love these girls!

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Pretty daffodils. I love spring and flowers.

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At the Drs office waiting to be seen. The kids were watching Charlotte’s web. Cuties.

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We bought this china cabinet at the goodwill a couple of months ago and we have been busy painting it white. I will show before and after pictures when we are done.

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One night we went out to eat at Applebee’s or “the apple” restaurant like the kids call it.

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Selfie at church today.

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I painted Nicci and Savannah’s toe nails today. 🙂

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Activities for the kids

I just wanted to write down some activities the kids and I do right now. We like to stay busy and do lots of things. I am so happy we are members of the YMCA. They have so many fun classes for the kids to try. The boys go to preschool Mon, Wed and Fri mornings. One morning Savannah and I go to music makers. I love to have that time with just her. One morning every week the boys have a preschool fitness class that they really love. Twice a week Lionel and Jordan has swimming lessons and Savannah and I have a parent-child swimming class. Savannah really loves swimming. She is not afraid at all.  Nicci has been taking a rock wall climbing class once a week that she has loved. Next week will be the last time, then Lionel and Nicci will start to play T ball every Wednesday night. They are very excited.

Nicci climbed all the way up one wall tonight.




We have been outside a lot lately. I have tried to get some weeding done both in the front yard and the backyard. The kids love to help me. Most of the time, they start out by pulling weeds and end up digging deep holes and other things. Savannah just loves to be outside. She often throws big fits in front of the door, while holding her shoes if we don’t go outside when she wants to. I love to see how happy she gets whenever I tell her we are going to go outside. Sweet girl.

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We were invited to the Kebkers for a St Patrick’s day dinner yesterday. We had lots of yummy food and dessert. I had never really had any of the traditional st Patrick’s day food, so it was definitely fun to get to try it. The kids played and had fun.

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Today on the way to the bus stop the kids found a dead bird….they all thought it was very interesting. It kind of cracks me up how Lionel is standing there just smiling by the bird…poor little bird.

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I love these trees. I love spring. It makes me feel so happy. This was on the way to preschool this morning.

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On Friday night Eric and I went to the Green light diner and had some yummy milkshakes. I love date night! It’s always nice to just get out of the house and just have some us time.



I love this guy!


Fun weekend with family

My sister and her family came and visited us this past weekend. We always love it when they come! On Friday the sun was shining and the kids played outside in the backyard.






On Saturday the rain was pouring down all day, so we went to the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. I’m so glad we have a membership there.

















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Not much has been going on lately. I was sick with strep and a cold for a week and I was so tired and didn’t feel like doing much. Savannah has not been sleeping really well lately either. I think she is teething again. Here are some pictures from the last week or two.



My mother in law came over to visit one day. She brought one of her dogs Lola and the kids had a blast playing with her.

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My cute little Nicci

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I registered this cute little guy for Kindergarten on Monday. Time is going so fast!  He is very excited for this fall.


Our Family

Beatrice and Eric





Read posts about Oliver here
Read Oliver's story here