"If you know someone who has lost a child or anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that's a great, great gift" - Elizabeth Edwards

"The deep hurt is the mirror image of the deep joy that still awaits you." - Bruce C. Hafen

Archive for March, 2012


The kids always sit down on this little kiddie sized bench after their swim lessons.

1 Year ago…

One year ago today, I had my 20 week ultrasound and found out something was very wrong with our precious baby and that he was going to most likely be stillborn or only live a few minutes after birth. It was one of the worst days of my life…I remember the feelings of pain, horror, despair, denial and complete and utterly defeat. My world came crashing down on me and I haven’t been the same person since. Our lives forever changed on March 31st, 2011. It was so hard to hear that there was nothing we or the doctors could do for our baby…I still remember what clothes and shoes I wore that day, how the weather was, the look on the ultrasound techs face when she told us something was wrong. The list can go on. Awful, awful day…
I miss my baby and I will always treasure the little time with got with him. I wish I could just hold him one more time, hold his little hand, feel his soft skin and fuzzy hair…I wish he was here with us.


Here is a necklace I got. I wear it every day and I love it.


A conversation with Nicolina this morning in the car on our way to their swim lesson.

Nicci: I miss baby Oliver.

Me: Me too.

Nicci: I wish he could go swimming with us.

Me: Yeah, me too.


My sweet Nicci.


Belly Pic

I am now almost 17 weeks along.


We have had a great weekend so far! Last night Eric and I went on a date and watched Hunger games! Today we have been doing gardening all day. Eric finished our garden boxes and prepared a garden bed for strawberries. We are starting small this year with two boxes and will build more next year if we feel like it. I am so excited to grow vegetables this year. He also built a fire pit in the middle of our backyard. We are going to grow some grass around the fire pit eventually. We got the kids a new sand box and they had a lot of fun. It’s been a great day!

The kids watched Eric fill the boxes.

Garden boxes

Helping Eric out

Sandbox for the kids

A friend from our church gave us lots of strawberry plants that we put in this garden bed

Rhubarb plant is starting to grow

Oliver’s magnolia tree

Our backyard

Our fire pit

The boys in their little cars


I am so excited to start our garden this year! Eric is almost done with our garden boxes. He has done a great job building them. I have bought different seeds and some of them I will wait to plant until it gets warmer outside and some I am going to start inside the house. It was beautiful weather yesterday. The kids and I spent a lot of time outside. They jumped on the trampoline and I did some much needed weeding.

Nicci went on a fun play date yesterday and when I came to pick her up she was riding around with her friend in his little power wheels. She looked so happy!

The kids are doing great with swim lessons. When we go swimming now they spend more time under the water than above. Lionel keeps putting his head under the water and comes back up with a big smile.  Nicci loves to jump off the edge of the pool as long as someone catches her when she comes back up to the surface. I love their swim teacher, she is such a nice lady.

I have started to feel the baby move, which is so nice and exciting!

Heart beat

One thing  I really wish I had done with Oliver was to record his heart beat. It would have been such a treasure to have. So I decided to record this little baby’s heart beat. 🙂

Little Heartbeat

My Oliver

“If you know someone who has lost a child or anybody who’s important to them, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn’t forget they died. You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that’s a great, great gift” – Elizabeth Edwards

Our Family

Beatrice and Eric





Read posts about Oliver here
Read Oliver's story here