"If you know someone who has lost a child or anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that's a great, great gift" - Elizabeth Edwards

"The deep hurt is the mirror image of the deep joy that still awaits you." - Bruce C. Hafen

Archive for January, 2012

Going Swimming

We took the kids swimming last night and they had so much fun! Jordan was so crazy in the water! So cute.

Music Makers

I took the boys to music makers yesterday. They had fun 🙂

Parent’s Grief

I read an article about parent’s grief after a baby dies and here are some quotes.

“Probably the most stressful and anxiety-provoking act in human existence is the separation of a woman from her newborn infant. The response to this, which humans share with most of the animal kingdom, is an overwhelming combination of panic, rage, and distress.”

“Parental grief is boundless. It touches every aspect of a parent’s being….when a baby dies, parents grieve for the rest of their lives. Their grief becomes part of them…as time passes, parents come to appreciate that grief is their link to their child, their grief keeps them connected to the child.”

“It is frequently said that the grief of bereaved parents is the most intense grief known. When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died, that a vital and core part of them has been ripped away. Bereaved parents indeed do feel that the death of their child is “the ultimate deprivation” (Arnold and Gemma 1994, 40). The grief caused by their child’s death is not only painful but profoundly disorienting-children are not supposed to die. These parents are forced to confront an extremely painful and stressful paradox; they are faced with a situation in which they must deal both with the grief caused by their child’s death and with their inherent need to continue to live their own lives as fully as possible. Thus, bereaved parents must deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain and yet needing it as a reminder of the child who died.”

“There is no relationship like that of parent and child. It is unique and special…The bond between parent and child is so powerful that its strength endures time, distance, and strife. No loss is as significant as the loss of a child…On the death of a child, a parent feels less than whole.”

“You will always grieve to some extent for your lost child. You will always remember your baby and wish beyond wishes that you could smell her smell or hold his weight in your arms. But as time goes on, this wishing will no longer deplete you of the will to live your own life.”

“For parents, the death of a child means coming to terms with untold emptiness and deep emotional hurt. Immediately after the death, some parents may even find it impossible to express grief at all as many experience a period of shock and numbness.”

“Bereaved parents will recover and reach a place of rest and hope… [They] will never forget [their child], but rather will find ways to keep [the child] a cherished part of [their] inner selves forever.”

“An intense parental attachment has been formed between parent and child no matter how young the child is at the time of death.”

“When you accept what has happened, you aren’t acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living-even if you don’t feel like it…[Don’t let] grief be your constant companion…Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your child and rejoice in that love which will never end… Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal.”

 

Cake Pops

The kids had a play date today and they got to play and decorate cake pops. They had so much fun and I got to talk to other moms! 🙂

My Little Fighter

Sometimes I feel so amazed at my little Oliver’s strength. We were told at our ultrasound that not only did he have Potter’s syndrome, he also had a heart defect, fluid around the heart and in his lungs. He was in heart failure, the doctor said, and could die at any time. In the beginning I expected him to be stillborn but as days became weeks and weeks became months, I started to feel hopeful that maybe we could get to meet him alive. We didn’t do any monitoring of his heart during the labor and delivery. I didn’t want to know when or if he died during labor. Normally I always have them turn up the volume of the heart monitor when I am in labor because I like to hear my babies hearts. During Nicci’s labor one of the nurses came in and turned down the volume a little bit and as soon as she left I had Eric turn up the volume louder again. During Oliver’s labor the room was very quiet. I was so scared when it was time for him to come out, but the fear turned into joy when we saw him move. He was alive! My precious fighter. I feel honored to be his mom.

Game Night and Friends

On Friday night we got a babysitter and had a game night with, Mindy, Garet, Carrissa and Eric. We played two fun games. We ate a lot of food and treats and it was such a fun nigth! I love our game nights. Baby Kate came too and she is so cute!

Mindy is due in just a couple of weeks and yesterday Carrissa, Elise and I surprised her and went to Ihop for a late breakfast and later we took Mindy to get a pedicure! We had a great time. 🙂

More Snow

We are getting even more snow today! Here is a fun video of Jordan! I love his cute laugh!

Snow!

We finally got some snow! The kids were so excited when they woke up and saw all the snow! My friend Melanie lent us some snow pants that the kids could use. They loved being outside and had a little snowball fight. The also ate a lot of snow of course…haha 😛

7 Months

Yesterday it was 7 months since Oliver was born…my sweet baby…

Smallest Wingless by Craig Cardiff

“Dear one we’ve been waiting for you.
thrilled, beside ourselves you’ve arrived.
white coats came in heads held low.
talked for a bit, shuffled outside.

We closed the curtains, held each other and cried.
said hello at the same time we said goodbye.

Smallest and wingless
leaving as soon as you arrived.
sadness is just love wasted
with no little heart to place it inside.

We closed the curtains held each other and cried.
said hello at the same time we said goodbye.”

Weekend

We had a great time with my sister and her family these last couple of days. Here are some pictures. 🙂

On Saturday my in laws surprised us with a visit. The kids had fun with their grandma and grandpa.

I love my family!

 

Our Family

Beatrice and Eric

Nicolina

Lionel

Jordan

Oliver


Read posts about Oliver here
Read Oliver's story here

Savannah


Tyler

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