"If you know someone who has lost a child or anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that's a great, great gift" - Elizabeth Edwards

"The deep hurt is the mirror image of the deep joy that still awaits you." - Bruce C. Hafen

Archive for July, 2011

Whaling Days

We had a fun day today. In the morning I went to my first Zumba class. It was 1 hour long and I loved it. It was a great workout and fun too! I’m going to go twice a week until I leave for Sweden at the end of August.

When I got home we went to Silverdale to walk watch the Whaling Days parade. We also ate some street fair food and the kids got to play at the park. Jordan fell down in the park and bit his lip so its a little swollen and he was bleeding a lot. I felt so bad for him.

The kids watching the parade.

Nicci and Lionel at the park

Lionel with his crazy hat he got at the parade.

When we started to walk towards the car to go to the mall we saw a children’s consignment store. Nicci’s birthday is on Saturday and we have decided to get her a bike. We saw a purple bike in good condition standing outside the store. It was only $17. The new ones we have looked at, at other stores were around $59 dollars. So we decided to get it.  Nicci will be so excited. We just need to get some training wheels and a helmet for her. She is so excited for her birthday.

When we got to the mall I went and got a locket that I have been wanting to get. It looks like this.

Now I just need to print out two pictures of my sweet Oliver to put inside the locket. I think I will wear this necklace a lot.

When we got home it was too late for naps so the kids and I went out in the backyard and they played in the pool and the sprinklers. They had fun! I love summer days like this.

Cloud Storage

If you haven’t already signed up for Dropbox, do so here. It’s an awesome cloud storage service (free for up to 8gb) and if you sign up, I get more space!  Thanks!

Point Defiance Zoo

We got a zoo pass about a month ago and it’s been really nice. Before when we paid to get in we were always so stressed to try to see everything before it was time to go home. Now we can come and go as much as we want.

Nicci petting a hedgehog

The polar bear

Jordan had fun in the water

The kids loved the slide



Little Snowdrop

Eric read this poem at Oliver’s memorial.

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
~ Author Unknown

We love you Oliver.


We went bowling tonight. We had a lot of fun and the kids loved it. 🙂


Yesterday one of my friends had her 20 week ultrasound. Everything looked great with her baby and I felt so relieved when she told me. Ultrasounds used to be fun and exciting to me, but not anymore. I felt very anxious yesterday. I never suspected that anything was wrong with her baby, but knowing that my friend was going to have an ultrasound brought back a lot of memories from our ultrasound with Oliver. All the feelings I felt that day came back. I felt pain, despair, denial, horror, defeat etc. The day of Oliver’s ultrasound was one of the worst days of my life. I will never forget it. I will never forget how I felt when they told me that something was wrong with my baby. I know that I will have other children in the future and I am going to have to have more ultrasounds. I will always be scared. My innocence of pregnancy was robbed that day on March 31st 2011. I am changed. I know what happened with Oliver will probably never happen again, but I am still scared.

During the time when I was still carrying Oliver I was always so scared he was going to pass away during the night. I would almost every night fall asleep with one of my hands on my belly and wake up the same way in the morning. It was like I thought that I would be able to notice if something was wrong when I was sleeping. Today, more than a month after Oliver died; I still wake up almost every morning with one of my hands on my belly. Trying to make sure my baby is okay. The only thing is, my baby is not in there anymore. I love you Oliver.



We had our friends Aaron and Christine and their kids come and visit for two days. We loved having them here! We used to be in the same ward when we lived in Silverdale and we also used to live in the same apartment complex. Nicci and their daughter Elaine were 9 months when we moved to Silverdale and met for the first time. They became great friends. We often hung out with them and we missed them a lot when they moved to Arizona last year. I was so glad that Nicci hadn’t forgotten Elaine. They started playing right away and had fun!

It was Elaine’s birthday today. Nicci kept telling me that she wants to be 4 too. Only 3 weeks left now. We went to Kingston today and had some delicious crepes. We also went to the park and played in the backyard. After dinner we sang Happy Birthday for Elaine and ate cake. Aaron and Christine, Thank you so much for being such great friends and we are so happy you could come and visit us!

Watching a show in the morning

Playing with barbies

Eating popsicles

Adam and Jordan

The cute birthday girl!

Christine and I 🙂


Harry Potter!

Last night I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter 7 part 2 with two friends. It was soooo good! I came home at 2.30 this morning and now I am up with the kids. I’m tired but it was so fun to go! I’m definitely taking a nap with the kids today. The movie was great!

Yesterday I had my 4 week OB check up and everything looked good.

Jordan had his 18 month check up last week. He is a healthy boy and weighs almost 27 lbs now.

Tonight Eric and I are going to the temple. Yay!

He Will Carry Me

There were times after the diagnosis when I was still carrying Oliver, and occasionally now, that I feel like I’m drowning in my own emotions. It’s hard to explain how I feel. It’s like I am struggling to stay above the surface in the sea of grief. It happens when I feel overwhelmed, sad and miss my little boy. During these very overwhelming moments I sometimes feel like someone is pulling me out of the water and up on dry land again. I feel better and I can move on with my day. I know I am not alone going through this. I know that Jesus knows how I feel and I can feel his love around me helping me through this. I know He is carrying me when I can’t deal with my own emotions anymore. I am so thankful for that. This is a song by Hilary Weeks that I like. It’s called “He will carry you.”

Fun Weekend

My mother in law Katrina stayed with us this past weekend. We had a great time and the kids had fun playing with her. On Saturday we went to Salisbury park and let the kids walk in the water and play on the playground. After we went home and had a barbecue. My sister in law Jenn and her son Derek came too.

Cute Jordan

Playing with their buckets.

Katrina showing the kids some small crabs

The kids

The kids had fun playing in a box.

Ready for church

Our Family

Beatrice and Eric





Read posts about Oliver here
Read Oliver's story here